The DragonEye Universe

About Vern
About Sister Grace, FOLM
About the Faerie/Mundane Universe

I'm your average North African Faerie Wyvern with a not-so average lifestyle.

Dragons of the magical dimension of Faerie (as you well know) were created by God at the beginning of the world. We are immortal and androgynous, soulless yet no more evil than any other natural phenomenon. In fact, we’re rather preferable to many natural phenomena. After all, I never wantonly destroyed anyone’s property or took anyone’s life--unless I was hungry, or had been provoked, or (just on occasion) if it would be funny. Most of the time, as long as the locals treated me with respect, tossed me a cow when I came calling, and left my treasure alone, I was a benevolent neighbor. Can you expect similar treatment from a hurricane?

Of course, some creatures--read “humans”--just don’t learn. I've seen his share of angry mobs, brave knights and the poor saps that get chosen by the local village to “confront the infernal beast.” Even worse were the ages when rescuing a maiden from the dragon was the vogue for courtship. First off, humans,--male or female, virgin or not--are not a dragon’s dinner of choice, but who’s gonna refuse free food? Then, to add insult to injury, some bronze-clad macho-man spouting unusually bad epic poetry charges into my lair, pokes me with something pointy and long and takes off with the girl--after stopping to scoop up a dowry, naturally. So just as naturally, the prospective “knight in shining armor” became “spam in a can.” Particularly if the poetry was really bad. Overall, a bad idea for everyone, until I had the wise idea of cutting a few deals with the couple's parents. Kept me well fed, "Prince Charming" didn't poke me, and the happy couple had thier romantic adventure without the potentially fatal consequences. Good run while it lasted.

Still, you know how humans are: that which is not with us needs to be taken down or subdued. Thus, the Faerie St. George trapped me in a holy spell. (Trust me: if he had not had God on his side, things would have gone differently.) By the time the saintly knight mage was done, I was little larger than an iguana, with no fire, no flight and just enough of my former knowledge to speak Latin and understand most aspects of human life. St. George the told me I could earn back all his former abilities and regain his dragon glory by serving God and Man through the Faerie Catholic Church. St. George then presented him to Pope Boniface II, who gave him the “clever” name of Vern d’Wyvern. (Don’t call me that--Vern will do.)

I started as the Pope’s pet, and when I saved his life, I became his bodyguard, then his adviser, and moved on to other jobs as the God directed. In eight centuries, I've been a scribe, a convent watch-dragon (no problems with keeping the virgins safe there), an Inquisitor (and with evil having the power of magic, the Inquisition had a very different and more dangerous role), and plow "horse" for a monastery farm. When the Gap opened between Mundane and Faerie, I felt a calling to come to our dimension. Don't ask why; or at least, don't ask me.

Maybe it's an exercise in humiliation--sorry, humility. Whether because they were afraid I’d eat the children or poop on the sidewalk, people treated me with suspicion. The US Department of Immigration, while willing to consider citizenship for elves, dwarves, or any other bipedal Faerie life form, refuses to grant me the personhood status. Thus, I couldn't get a green card or regular employment. Still, a lot of Mundanes, once they got to know me, were genuinely kind and accepting. (Some of them say, “God bless St. George. Your curse is our blessing.” I like that.) I've also learned that by helping humans on this side of the Gap, I can earn back his abilities just as easily as in Faerie. The advantage is, that with the opening between the two worlds, there are a lot more opportunities for me to help out both worlds.

So now I live in an old warehouse on the seedy side of Los Logos which also holds to office of Dragon Eye, PI. I'm a professional problem-solver, no job too big or too little, wisdom of eternity, knowledge of the ages, virginity verified…you know the drill. Flights extra. Saving the multiverse, lots extra.

Sister Grace is a High Church Mage with Faerie Our Lady of the Miracles (FOLM). She stands not much higher than five feet, has eyes the metallic blue of the calm Mediterranean and hair of a silvery red color that few have ever seen and (since she keeps it tucked under her wimple) few ever will. They say it’s the color of magic, but she says that sounds like something out of a Terry Pratchett novel, and Faerie is no Discworld.

Faerie, is however, a world of magic--holy, benign and evil--and Sr. Grace has dedicated her life to fighting the powers of Hell and those who exercise those powers.

She's a high-powered mage thanks to her unusual heritage. She entered the FOLM as a child, both because of her sincere desire to follow the Lord and because of her unusually strong natural magical talent. Her first years at the convent were spent in seclusion and strict training until her abilities were well harnessed to God's will. She was just entering her teens when she took the habit of a novice and was again able to mix with people outside the convent.

Sister Grace spent many more years in study and apprenticeship before taking her final vows and being granted master status. Since then, she has taught others and served in several magical capacities, including proelium ecclesiae, or "Defender of the Church." This is an assignment she does not talk much about, but it was after this last duty that she took a sabbatical to move across the Gap and study Mundane religious music. She attends Little Flower Catholic Church, and Father Rich coaxed her into serving as cantor. There's something truly amazing about her voice; everyone feels it, and she's even had a couple of talent agents approach her. She says, however, that her singing is much like her magic--a gift of God that has must be controlled and applied only to specific purposes.

She and I had a rocky start. She hired me to stop a band she was sure was singing some kind of spell. Sounded like mishmash to everyone, including Yours Truly. I almost didn't believe her until it was too late, and in fact, she ended up saving my bacon when the song summoned up a demon from the early Sumatran era. We made such a great team, that Grace decided to stick around. After receiving permission from her mother house, she became a partner in Dragon Eye Private Detective Agency. She lives in the warehouse with me, where she has her own "workshop" and has gotten her private investigators' license. (That's made both our lives a lot easier, believe me!) Together, they've saved our world and Faerie several times.

OK, I don't know where most of you have been, but apparently, there's some question about what exactly are the Faerie and Mundane universes, and what the Gap is, so I hope this will help.

Faerie is pretty much the stuff your legends are made of. There are elves and dwarves, fairies and even unicorns. Yeah, some of them are virgin-lovers but most are smart enough not to approach a strange maiden tied to a tree. There’s magic, too. It’s a natural force, like electricity, but you can’t control it with the flip of a switch or the flick of a wand. You need Talent, and lots of study, and even then, it isn’t easy to work with. I know some of you Mundanes think there might be a way around that; some are stupid enough to think Dark Magic is easier. Forget it. It’s like harnessing lightning with your teeth to light the light bulb in your hand. Even with training and Holy Magic, it feels like that sometimes. Ask my partner, Sister Grace, about that.

There are some objects that are intrinsically magic or can be magicked to a specific purpose, but the average Mundane can’t handle them safely. My first case involved a low-level love charm and a stolen magical fruit that should have made crops grow. Bad news--like Attack of the Killer Chiles news. That’s another story. Let’s just say the governments have been pretty smart about limiting the amount of technical/magical interchange across the Gap. Magic, however benign when correctly used, is deadly when misunderstood.

The Gap? Not much to say--unless you want a doctoral thesis in magic and sub-quantum physics. A combination magical mishap and nuclear accident caused a portal to open permanently between our worlds. Yeah, I know. How cliché. Think the advertising guys for that clothing store were crying with joy when some scientist named the thing? I do know it’s been good for Los Lagos. I was here just a couple of months after the Gap opened. Lot of poverty, though compared to the average serf, you people are spoiled merchant class. But that’s relative, I suppose, and I still can’t get over people not having enough to eat, yet somehow managing to own a TV. Not that I’m hocking mine when times are rough. I can always eat the local vermin to keep my belly full. Hey, I’m a dragon.

I don’t think I need to tell you about your Mundane world. Yeah, I know. I didn’t come up with that term, but if you think it’s insulting, just try calling a barbarian swordsman from my world Faerie. I will say that it’s been very interesting living here. You Mundanes have incredible imaginations. You dream up more fantasitc beings and events for television than I’ve seen in my entire life, and since I was created by God at the dawn of the Earth, that’s saying a lot. No, I don’t remember everything that’s happened in my life, thanks to my diminished state… But my point was that despite your capacity to imagine the fantastic, you can have such a difficult time accepting it in reality. On the one hand, I’ve made a lot of terrific friends here; on the other, I still get people who have the nerve to wonder why I’m not leashed and who ask if I’m housebroken. And of course, your government, while very accepting of Elves and Dwarves, refuses to grant me any status because they can’t agree on whether I am a "person." I talking, I eat your food, I go to Mass,--for pity's sake, I blog--and they still think I’m an animal! Sorry, sore subject. Anyway, that’s why I became a professional problem solver. Dragon Eye, PI. That’s me.