Sunday, April 22, 2012

World Gathering, Episode 19: It's a Wrap--Load up the Bus!


I sat in the front portico of the hotel and watched as Grace got everyone loaded. Like any conventioneer, the Faerie were tired but happy and a little wistful that the World Gathering had ended. I could see the bags looked heavier--probably full of plastic drek from Fantasyland. A few folks wore T-shirts; I didn't think they made them in pixie size. Theirs all bore Tinkerbell striking a most unchildish pose. I snorted. Figures.
I spied Siegfried by a pillar getting one last kiss from his Nordic lady.  Meanwhile, Cambridge Ramada was giving Brunhilde a small leather case. I heard her exclaim, "My own pedicure set!" and she enveloped him in a hug, squashing his face in her ample bosom. I don't think he minded until he started suffocating. She released him with a hasty, "Oh, sorry, ja?"
Galinda and Galendor exited the hotel and came over to see me. Galinda gave me a hug. Galendor was more stand-offish. Neither he nor Gozon was pleased that we had not only confiscated the found bull, but convinced the brownies that its proper place was with the Faerie Vatican until the House Eternal Winds started playing nice. I figure another fifteen or twenty years of negotiations, and all will be well again. That's a flash in the pan to an Elf, but it doesn't mean they have to like it.
Fine by me; I wasn't especially interested in getting hugged by an Elf, anyway. I seldom got hugged before St. George's spell; even now, I don't especially appreciate being treated like a large plushy. Not my image, if you know what I mean. I'd make an exception for a Faerie Princess--but her Consort Elf? Even I get to have standards.
"It seems we again owe you a debt of gratitude; isn't that right, Galendor?"
Did I detect an archness in her voice? She'd come a long way since she was a damsel in distress needing my rescue.
Galendor nodded. "My beloved speaks truly, for verily, were it not for you, O Great and Wise Dragon who once flew the fields of Caraparavalenciana, striking awe and fear into the hearts of its mortal inhabitants..."
By the time he'd finished the Elvish equivalent of a grudging, "Yeah. Couldn't have done it without you" and they bid me goodbye and headed to their limo, the bus was loaded.
Grace exchanged a last hug with Shirley and walked over to me. "Ready?"
I nodded to her, then tossed my head in a "good-bye" to Shirley and the other conventioneers we'd be leaving behind. I frowned thoughtfully.
"What?"
"Just wondering."
Her gaze grew suspicious. "About...?"
My frown turned into a grin worthy of any imp. "Just what other fine Mensa we're going to get into next."
I launched myself in the air and had taken my station on the roof of the bus before she could shriek.

If you like the story, the book is even better!
More antics, more mystery, new ending. Order from Amazon

(c) Karina Fabian.  World Gathering first appeared in serial in The Prairie Dawg

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

World Gathering, Episode 18: Lost and Found


Shirley walked into the security office, a defeated look on her face. She sighed. "Well, that's all the rooms occupied by Mensans in the hotel. We're down to searching the conference rooms now."
I growled. After Coyote's confession, the audience decided to get in on the game and arranged search parties to scour the hotel. In the meantime, Grace and I had retired to the office to make some calls. The shifts had just changed, and I was explaining to Officer Gary what was up.
"So Brunhilde had been hiding the bull in her breastplate, but negotiated with Cambridge to borrow it. He put it in his briefcase--"
"Why did she give it to him now?" Gary asked.
"She said she kept feeling 'tickles,' and thought the brownies might have been searching her. Probably her imagination. They'd have taken it from her. My theory is that since Gozon entrusted her with it, and she entrusted Cambridge, there wasn't enough disorder to trip their radar. However, when Coyote stole the briefcase, neither were where they belonged, so they acted."
"So they cleaned it and put it back where it belonged? Where's that?"
I tossed my head. The whole situation had gone from annoying to absurd. "You never know with brownies, which is why they make bad housekeepers. Grace put in calls to her order to check with the Faerie Vatican and the churches where the bull had been held, and I asked my contacts to do the same for your Vatican, just in case. Gozon and Galendor are both having their people search likely places in Elf lands. In the meantime, we're searching the hotel. For all we know, they may have decided the most logical place is nearby, where all the concerned parties can work things out."
Shirley snorted. "Gozon and Galendor were arguing in the lobby last I saw. They're being polite, but I don't think they'll work anything out without a negotiator."
A negotiator? I looked at Grace, saw she had the same idea.
"It can't be that easy," Grace said.
"You never know with brownies. Come on!" We headed out the door.
"Hold on. I'll drive you."  Gary snatched up his keys, walkie-talkie and Taser and followed. He got us a cart and we piled in. I gave him our room number.
"You didn't check your room?" he asked.
"We were getting to it! We didn't think it a likely spot, until what Shirley said about negotiators."
Grace explained. "The Church has a longstanding role of negotiating between warring parties, and I'm the nearest representative. However, if it's not in our room, we may want to see if there are any priests in the hotel, then call the local clergy."
Gary's walkie talkie went off. He groaned. "Sorry, guys. Disturbance in the Con Café. Gotta detour and drop me off."
He turned us around. Soon we heard the clattering of pans and a French voice shouting, "No! Bad Doggie!" The door banged open and a large grey coyote, gravy dripping from his chin, tore out of the café. A flying ladle barely missed him. A couple of Mensans screamed and flattened themselves against the walls as he ran past.
I leapt out of the cart and had tackled Coyote before he'd gone halfway down the hall. He turned with a snarl, saw my fangs were bigger, and whined.
"Don't change form until we find your clothes," I warned. I noticed he'd slipped the police anklet that was part of his probation, but the silver bracelet Grace had bespelled to keep him from escaping had transformed into a collar. I got off him, hooked my tail through it and led him back to Gary.

"I think someone just broke parole." I almost sang it. I live for moments like this. "Grace, Shirley, go check the room. I'll help Gary escort this dog to the pound."
Coyote whimpered.
It didn't take long to find his clothes, and soon, he was human, handcuffed and enduring the verbal abuse of Jean Pierre d'Pasimmonierre as he demanded he be charged for crimes against all France and the BAC. When Coyote tried to protest that he was only looking for the bull, Jean Pierre screamed, "That was fish, you bad doggie" and started to beat him about the head with his chef's hat. Beautiful. The only thing that could top the day was Grace's call.
"It was in the room safe," she said. "Cleaned, restored and beautiful."
I laughed. "Tell Shirley: I know it sounds redundant, but she's a genius."

If you like the story, the book is even better!
More antics, more mystery, new ending. Order from Amazon

(c) Karina Fabian.  World Gathering first appeared in serial in The Prairie Dawg

Sunday, April 15, 2012

World Gathering, Episode 17: Best Laid Plans...


Last issue, we discovered Galendor's and Gozon's political intriguing has led to the disappearance of the papal bull, an important artifact to the High Elves and the Faerie Church. Vern has rounded the suspects--Gozon and Galendor, Galendor's wife, Princess Galinda Tavendor, the Valkyrie Brunhilde, Coyote the Trickster, and Cambridge Ramada, a Mensan and private detective specializing in rare items. Plus a Mensan audience. He's revealed that Gozon intended to show off the bull, Galendor wanted to steal it back using brownies to find it, and Gozon threw them off by having a very common-looking briefcase and having Brunhilde smuggle the bull around in her breastplate. But that's not all!...


"This, of course, would not have been so bad if the rest of you hadn't gotten involved," I said. "You know, Cambridge, despite everything, I did not have you down for a thief."
Cambridge puffed up his chest, not that you could tell with his belly. "Of course not, my dear dragon. My client was merely interested in negotiating to borrow it, for an exhibit on Faerie religious artifacts. I was, in fact, here to discuss a most interesting necklace of relics belonging to the Tavendor royal family--"
Gozon pointed an accusing finger at Galendor, "And you offered him the bull? Galendoropynphordaladys, traitor to his kind--"
"No!" Galinda stood. "That was my fault. I told him. I, I hired him." She turned to her husband, hands clasped in supplication. "I'm sorry, my love. The brownies were having such trouble, I though, just in case..."
He pulled her close, kissing her head, whispering reassurances in Elvish. The audience "awwwed," but I sighed. It was going to take him at least five minutes to say, "It's okay."
Cambridge added his reassurances. "It was not entirely her idea. I had already learned something of the bull at the welcome dinner."
"Brunhilde!" Gozon yelled. I gave him a flash of fangs and he closed his mouth fast. He could spend an hour chewing her out later if he wanted. We were on my time.
Brunhilde nodded. "The champagne went to my head. I said I'd give him the bull and he could negotiate for his exhibit, and he introduced me to the pleasures of--"
"Brunhilde!" This from my partner, Sister Grace. The audience leaned forward.
Cambridge laughed his asthmatic chuckle. "Cleanliness, my dear nun. Tips on how to make her 'sweaty rowdy men' more hygienically palatable."
"Ja! He gives a good pedicure, see?" She stretched out one shapely leg so everyone could see her toes. Galinda swatted her husband.
"But the two of you weren't exactly quiet in your dealings--at least not where inhuman ears are concerned." I looked at Coyote.
He set down the half-empty pitcher and leaned forward eagerly, "Oooo! Is it my turn now? Do I get to tell my joke, please? Can I? Can I? So I found out from Brunhilde when she made the trade--wanna know how?" He jumped up off the table to face his audience.
"No!" Grace said. "Sit!"
He settled onto the table without hesitation, but he was bouncing with excitement.
"Just tell us where it is."
"In Cambridge's briefcase. But I won't tell you where that is! You have to find it. Won't that be fun? It should be easy for you, Vern. It's 'marked.'"
"You peed on the bull?" Grace's beautiful voice rose to a screech.
"No!" Coyote actually looked hurt. "I mean, not really. Just the briefcase."
"What?" Cambridge started to raise his cane.
"Relax!" I told them both. "We have the briefcase. The brownies found it and cleaned it. But the bull isn't in it."
I glared at Coyote, but he looked as surprised as Grace and Cambridge had horrified.
"So where is it?" he asked.

If you like the story, the book is even better!
More antics, more mystery, new ending. Order from Amazon

(c) Karina Fabian.  World Gathering first appeared in serial in The Prairie Dawg

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

World Gathering, Episode 16: Playing Hot Potato With a Bull


Our suspects knew better than to make me angry. When Shirley, Grace and I walked into the Santa Fe room, they were already seated and waiting.
Gozonvabosomofic and Galendoropynphordaladys were tossing each other dark looks. Princess Galinda held Galendor's hand and was trying her best to look regal--and like she didn't recognize Cambridge Ramada. Cambridge had apparently decided his hefty physique had had enough of the miniscule seats and was standing (not leaning, mind you) by a column, hands on his walking stick. Sigfried leaned against the opposite column and glared at the portly PI. Brunhilde's seat made a neat triangle between them. She sat straight and prim, her hands clasped in front of her, her head hung.
Coyote sat on the drinks table, lapping water out of a pitcher.
Others had seen them entering, made the logical conclusion that something was up, and decided to join in. they filled the rest of the chairs, but kept a discreet distance between themselves and the Faerie. Whaddya know? Mensan are savvy as well as smart.
 Fine by me. I didn't mind an audience.
We strode, in and Grace and Shirley each set a briefcase on a table. I loved watching the reactions--they tell so much.
"Rule Number One--speak English and speak Human. For every long Elvish phrase, I get to eat a body part."
Galendor just had to stand, "Vern, great wyvern, mystery solver and peacekeeper--"
I showed him my incisors.
"Got it." He sat down fast. He can be taught.
"For those who don't know what's going on: This week, Gozonvabosomofic had intended to use his farewell speech to brag about the magnificent ploy he'd concocted to keep in power. Gozon, quick scowling. It's too late to impress them, anyway.  I can explain more later, but part of the plan involved presenting you with the "recently-acquired" papal bull, a historic artifact of Elves and humans. However, the bull has been stolen."  I paused for the gasps. "And not once, but multiple times, like some kind of Faerie game of hot potato. The game is over."
I turned to my suspects. "I'm going to give you one chance to make this easy. Whoever has the bull, give it up now."
Everybody looked at everybody.
"Does anybody know where it is?"
Again the blank looks.
I sighed. That's what I was afraid of. In their frenzied efforts to acquire the papal bull they'd lost the papal bull.
"Fine. Let's start from the beginning. We may as well entertain our Mensan hosts--that was your intention, wasn't it Gozon? You were going to use your Farewell speech to brag about the cunning theft of the bull from Galendor, which disgraced his family line and placed yours--and you--in power. Don't speak--just nod."
"Excuse me?" a Mensan raised her hand. "Why would that impress us?"
"Exactly my point!" Galendor stood up and sneered down at the elder Elf. "You don't understand Mundanes--that's why your job in jeopardy! Our House needs someone younger, who understands humans and I--"
I pushed him into his seat with my tail. "Siddown and shut up. You can take that up with Queen Imdaboz'ndonchafuggeditt. So, he brings the bull because what good is gloating without a visual aid? Of course, the spies of Galendor's family find out--but Gozon prepares for that, right?"
Gozon just glared at me. I'd ruined his little brag fest, but that wasn't why. It also kept him from glancing at his accomplice.
Of course, I'd figured that part out. "Bruni, you've got some 'splaining to do."
"Yah," she said, and it was amazing how a booming voice could also sound so small and mousy.
"Start with the hotel reservations--you got them scrambled, didn't you?"
She nodded. "Yah, Gozonvabosomofic asked me to. He arranged for me to be a presenter, said I'd have lots of opportunities--"
Sigfried snorted.
Now her voice started to boom, "For my fashion line, you big buffoon! How many millennia do I have to cater to roudy, sweaty men before I get to do something for me? Gozon offered to help me make contacts if he retained his position. So IM'd the Reservations desk to confirm my hotel room, started flirting with Carl, and asked him if he'd help us with a joke."
"That's not the only joke you'll have played in this, either.  You carried the bull on the trip in, didn't you?"
"Yah, in my breastplate." I heard a few low snickers and comments from the crowd, but didn't bother correcting them. In fact, Brunhilde's breastplate had a long pocket for tools of the trade--a small dagger, a hairbrush and braid-ties... The bull, rolled up, would have fit snug but fine if she were careful.
"In the meantime," I continued, "Galendor decided to hire allies himself. You convinced the brownies to get the bull for you."
    "Of course," Galendor said. "An elegant solution. I simply bribed them--and I shan't say how--and suggested that the bull was no longer where it belonged, but I knew approximately where it was and who had it. Then, I merely had to prepare a place for it and wait."

If you like the story, the book is even better!
More antics, more mystery, new ending. Order from Amazon

(c) Karina Fabian.  World Gathering first appeared in serial in The Prairie Dawg