Coyote Fires and Reluctant Dwarves

Came across this old interview of Garn, one of the dwarves in Magic, Mensa, and Mayhem adn thought you might enjoy it.  Incidentally, we are still holding at $103 in donations o the victims of the Colorado wildfires. You can't tell me you aren't enjoying the story, so what's the deal?  Toss them a couple of dollars with the donate button, and I'll finish telling Karina the story.  Don't forget, too, that we're donating all our profits from the e-book sales, and donations of $25 get a free copy of Magic, Mensa, and Mayhem.  http://coyotefires.karinafabian.com

1. Can you tell us your name and the title of the book you live in?

(Muttering to himself: I can't believe Kent talked me into this...) I'm Garn, and I'm a dwarf and one of the conspirators in the DragonEye, PI, novel, Magic, Mensa and Mayhem.

2. Describe to our readers what your role in the book is.

I think I'll pass actually. Vern has told me about your Mundane concept of "spoilers" and has told me what he'll do to me if I provide any.

3. How did you convince your author to put you in this book?  For example, did you visit a dream or make yourself known some other way?

I don't really know what you mean by that. I didn't ask to be put in this book. I'd rather have not been mentioned at all, but I do have a key role in the whole case, so she couldn't have left me out, I suppose.

4. Would you tell us about one of your favorite friends from this book?

I guess that would be Kent, my traveling companion for the convention. We'd actually just met before the trip. Don’t tell him, but at first, I was kind of excited to have him for a roommate. I'd heard a lot about his performance as Graf Goldhacker in The Day the Mine Ran Dry. Dwarf Entertainer gave it three diamonds. Anyway, he turned out to be quite shale--er, Mundanes would say, "a flake"?  Thought he could dress like that Gimli character and roam the streets of BillyBeaver's Fantasyland spouting off lines get himself "discovered."

Still, got a heart of gold, he does. And he did eventually break into Mundane television. He was supposed to get a role on Atlantis until they canceled the show. Now he's got a role as the assassin in the movie Live and Let Fly.

5. Do you plan on appearing in another book or are you happy to be where you are?

I think I'm done with adventuring, intrigue and getting on Vern's bad side. I've got my Faeriemet mine here in Faerie Australia and I'm happy.

6. What would you like our readers to know about you?

Only that I'm sorry the Mundane world got involved in what should have been Faerie scheming. It was a cultural misunderstanding, really.

7. Did you learn anything during your adventure in this book?

(Growling) My ancestors were right: never trust an Elf.

8. Can you tell us what you think is the most exciting thing that happened to you in your book?

As in fear-for-my-life exciting? Probably the trip to Florida. On that abomination of a transport. Airships!  Dwarves were meant to be underground, not in the air!

9. Is there anything in your story you wish you had not done? Why?

I should have been more casual about my pickax. I realize now my possessiveness drew attention to it.

10. What was your main motivation?

What every dwarf's motivation should be: a mine to call his own.

11. Introduce us to your main adversary?

Galendor. Uppity, politicizing, better-than-Elvish High Elf. If he hadn't set those--sorry. Spoilers.

12. Is there anything you would like to have done but your author stopped you?

I don't understand the question. She wasn't there. She just wrote down the story as Vern told it.  Now what I would have liked to have done, but Vern stopped me, was take my pickax to Galendor's family jewels.

13. Here’s your chance to speak your mind.  What do you want to tell everybody?

If yer looking for the best Faeriemet in two universes, you'll find it at Garn's of the Outback. High quality, reasonable rates.

Oh, and I don't have any hard feelings toward Vern or Grace. They were just doing their jobs--and they made Gozon fulfill his part of the agreement and give me the mine he promised. Spent two days of talking him into it, too. That's actually pretty fast for a High Elf, amazingly fast considering it was Gozon.

What the characters were doing between Magic, Mensa and Mayhem and Live and Let Fly

VERN:  We came home from Florida to discover the roof had a leak.

SISTER GRACE:  Aye, that bad, but more importantly, we spent the next several months working with the US government and the Elvish tribes over the problem with scanatine-flavored drinks.

VERN:  Could have done it in two weeks if we'd just let the elves drink some.

Grace:  Vern!

VERN:  Just saying there are times when a hyped-up brain and an accelerated time sense could come in handy.  We spent a lot of time doing work we didn't get paid for--work that could have fixed the hole in the roof.  We found all kinds of drips after that hailstorm in September…

HEATHER HASKEL (aka RHODA DAKOTA):  September!  That's when I got my first letter from Charlie.  Why did it take you so long to write, honey-bunchkins?

CHARLIE WILMOT:  My love, a big music star like you, interested in a herald from a small duchy?  It was too much to hope for.  If the duchess hadn't pushed me, I hate to think--

HEATHER:  We might never have met.  I'm going to thank her again.

VERN:  …and all my bedding got soaked.  Took forever to dry.  Some of it got ruined…

SISTER GRACE:  It was a difficult winter, but at least it kept the Despredatores at home.  Things were rather peaceful.

VERN:  Which is bad for business.  We didn't get the loan for the roof.

HEATHER:  Stan, what about you?

RAKNESS, STAN RAKNESS:  Sorry.  Classified.

SISTER GRACE:  The parish came and helped us fix it.  It was a wonderful Christmas present.

VERN:  Yeah--out in 30-degree weather, breathing fire on the roof like some kind of draconian welding torch.  Did I mention that I'm a warm-climate dragon?  Bad enough we had to deal with the snow--

CHARLIE:  And you wrote that song for me at Christmas--and it made #1.  I was in heaven for a week because you'd said you loved me.

HEATHER: (giggle) It was the only way I could; my parents were so worried about us, even if we hadn't met yet.  But that Valentine's Day--

CHARLIE:  Best day of my life.

SISTER GRACE:  And the Christian Brothers bought that lot in Territory.  It'll be good to have a Catholic school there.  Especially with that Real Humans gang in town now.  (Sigh)  They're going to be trouble, 'tis a fact.

RAKNESS, STAN RAKNESS:  In fact, I can neither confirm nor deny I was in the country…

VERN:  Come March, that windstorm blew off the repairs and I had to go flying after it.

HEATHER:  That's when I signed the contract for Live and Let Fly.  I was so excited, but the best part was being in Los Lagos, nearer my Charlie.  Then that paparazzi caught us kissing and we went public with our courtship!

CHARLIE:  One moment of indiscretion.  I don't regret it at all.

SISTER GRACE:  I think Gloria was asking about what cases we handled over the past couple of years.

RAKNESS, STAN RAKNESS:  Sorry.  If I told you, I'd have to kill you.  National security, you know.

VERN:  What did we do?  I just remember battling the drips.  Lots of drips.  

SISTER GRACE:  Yes, the roof had deteriorated.

VERN:  Yeah, the drips in the roof, too.  That was one good thing that came out of Live and Let Fly.  We got a new roof.  I love that roof.

SISTER GRACE:  Aye, me, too.

The Next DragonEye, PI Magazine is out!

In this issue:

*  An Interview with a Dragon
*  The Next Chapter of Magic, Mensa, and Mayhem Continues
* A DragonEye, PI novel and a new story!

*  Faerie Facts:  Interdimnet

Click here to see it.

World Gathering, Episode 19: It's a Wrap--Load up the Bus!

I sat in the front portico of the hotel and watched as Grace got everyone loaded. Like any conventioneer, the Faerie were tired but happy and a little wistful that the World Gathering had ended. I could see the bags looked heavier--probably full of plastic drek from Fantasyland. A few folks wore T-shirts; I didn't think they made them in pixie size. Theirs all bore Tinkerbell striking a most unchildish pose. I snorted. Figures.

I spied Siegfried by a pillar getting one last kiss from his Nordic lady.  Meanwhile, Cambridge Ramada was giving Brunhilde a small leather case. I heard her exclaim, "My own pedicure set!" and she enveloped him in a hug, squashing his face in her ample bosom. I don't think he minded until he started suffocating. She released him with a hasty, "Oh, sorry, ja?"

Galinda and Galendor exited the hotel and came over to see me. Galinda gave me a hug. Galendor was more stand-offish. Neither he nor Gozon was pleased that we had not only confiscated the found bull, but convinced the brownies that its proper place was with the Faerie Vatican until the House Eternal Winds started playing nice. I figure another fifteen or twenty years of negotiations, and all will be well again. That's a flash in the pan to an Elf, but it doesn't mean they have to like it.

Fine by me; I wasn't especially interested in getting hugged by an Elf, anyway. I seldom got hugged before St. George's spell; even now, I don't especially appreciate being treated like a large plushy. Not my image, if you know what I mean. I'd make an exception for a Faerie Princess--but her Consort Elf? Even I get to have standards.

"It seems we again owe you a debt of gratitude; isn't that right, Galendor?"

Did I detect an archness in her voice? She'd come a long way since she was a damsel in distress needing my rescue.

Galendor nodded. "My beloved speaks truly, for verily, were it not for you, O Great and Wise Dragon who once flew the fields of Caraparavalenciana, striking awe and fear into the hearts of its mortal inhabitants..."

By the time he'd finished the Elvish equivalent of a grudging, "Yeah. Couldn't have done it without you" and they bid me goodbye and headed to their limo, the bus was loaded.

Grace exchanged a last hug with Shirley and walked over to me. "Ready?"

I nodded to her, then tossed my head in a "good-bye" to Shirley and the other conventioneers we'd be leaving behind. I frowned thoughtfully.

"What?"

"Just wondering."

Her gaze grew suspicious. "About...?"

My frown turned into a grin worthy of any imp. "Just what other fine Mensa we're going to get into next."

I launched myself in the air and had taken my station on the roof of the bus before she could shriek.

If you like the story, the book is even better!

More antics, more mystery, new ending. Order from Amazon. 

(c) Karina Fabian.  World Gathering first appeared in serial in The Prairie Dawg

World Gathering, Episode 18: Lost and Found

Shirley walked into the security office, a defeated look on her face. She sighed. "Well, that's all the rooms occupied by Mensans in the hotel. We're down to searching the conference rooms now."

I growled. After Coyote's confession, the audience decided to get in on the game and arranged search parties to scour the hotel. In the meantime, Grace and I had retired to the office to make some calls. The shifts had just changed, and I was explaining to Officer Gary what was up.

"So Brunhilde had been hiding the bull in her breastplate, but negotiated with Cambridge to borrow it. He put it in his briefcase--"

"Why did she give it to him now?" Gary asked.

"She said she kept feeling 'tickles,' and thought the brownies might have been searching her. Probably her imagination. They'd have taken it from her. My theory is that since Gozon entrusted her with it, and she entrusted Cambridge, there wasn't enough disorder to trip their radar. However, when Coyote stole the briefcase, neither were where they belonged, so they acted."

"So they cleaned it and put it back where it belonged? Where's that?"

I tossed my head. The whole situation had gone from annoying to absurd. "You never know with brownies, which is why they make bad housekeepers. Grace put in calls to her order to check with the Faerie Vatican and the churches where the bull had been held, and I asked my contacts to do the same for your Vatican, just in case. Gozon and Galendor are both having their people search likely places in Elf lands. In the meantime, we're searching the hotel. For all we know, they may have decided the most logical place is nearby, where all the concerned parties can work things out."

Shirley snorted. "Gozon and Galendor were arguing in the lobby last I saw. They're being polite, but I don't think they'll work anything out without a negotiator."

A negotiator? I looked at Grace, saw she had the same idea.

"It can't be that easy," Grace said.

"You never know with brownies. Come on!" We headed out the door.

"Hold on. I'll drive you."  Gary snatched up his keys, walkie-talkie and Taser and followed. He got us a cart and we piled in. I gave him our room number.

"You didn't check your room?" he asked.

"We were getting to it! We didn't think it a likely spot, until what Shirley said about negotiators."

Grace explained. "The Church has a longstanding role of negotiating between warring parties, and I'm the nearest representative. However, if it's not in our room, we may want to see if there are any priests in the hotel, then call the local clergy."

Gary's walkie talkie went off. He groaned. "Sorry, guys. Disturbance in the Con Café. Gotta detour and drop me off."

He turned us around. Soon we heard the clattering of pans and a French voice shouting, "No! Bad Doggie!" The door banged open and a large grey coyote, gravy dripping from his chin, tore out of the café. A flying ladle barely missed him. A couple of Mensans screamed and flattened themselves against the walls as he ran past.

I leapt out of the cart and had tackled Coyote before he'd gone halfway down the hall. He turned with a snarl, saw my fangs were bigger, and whined.

"Don't change form until we find your clothes," I warned. I noticed he'd slipped the police anklet that was part of his probation, but the silver bracelet Grace had bespelled to keep him from escaping had transformed into a collar. I got off him, hooked my tail through it and led him back to Gary.

"I think someone just broke parole." I almost sang it. I live for moments like this. "Grace, Shirley, go check the room. I'll help Gary escort this dog to the pound."

Coyote whimpered.

It didn't take long to find his clothes, and soon, he was human, handcuffed and enduring the verbal abuse of Jean Pierre d'Pasimmonierre as he demanded he be charged for crimes against all France and the BAC. When Coyote tried to protest that he was only looking for the bull, Jean Pierre screamed, "That was fish, you bad doggie" and started to beat him about the head with his chef's hat. Beautiful. The only thing that could top the day was Grace's call.

"It was in the room safe," she said. "Cleaned, restored and beautiful."

I laughed. "Tell Shirley: I know it sounds redundant, but she's a genius."

If you like the story, the book is even better!

More antics, more mystery, new ending. Order from Amazon. 

(c) Karina Fabian.  World Gathering first appeared in serial in The Prairie Dawg

World Gathering, Episode 17: Best Laid Plans...

Last issue, we discovered Galendor's and Gozon's political intriguing has led to the disappearance of the papal bull, an important artifact to the High Elves and the Faerie Church. Vern has rounded the suspects--Gozon and Galendor, Galendor's wife, Princess Galinda Tavendor, the Valkyrie Brunhilde, Coyote the Trickster, and Cambridge Ramada, a Mensan and private detective specializing in rare items. Plus a Mensan audience. He's revealed that Gozon intended to show off the bull, Galendor wanted to steal it back using brownies to find it, and Gozon threw them off by having a very common-looking briefcase and having Brunhilde smuggle the bull around in her breastplate. But that's not all!...

"This, of course, would not have been so bad if the rest of you hadn't gotten involved," I said. "You know, Cambridge, despite everything, I did not have you down for a thief."

Cambridge puffed up his chest, not that you could tell with his belly. "Of course not, my dear dragon. My client was merely interested in negotiating to borrow it, for an exhibit on Faerie religious artifacts. I was, in fact, here to discuss a most interesting necklace of relics belonging to the Tavendor royal family--"

Gozon pointed an accusing finger at Galendor, "And you offered him the bull? Galendoropynphordaladys, traitor to his kind--"

"No!" Galinda stood. "That was my fault. I told him. I, I hired him." She turned to her husband, hands clasped in supplication. "I'm sorry, my love. The brownies were having such trouble, I though, just in case..."

He pulled her close, kissing her head, whispering reassurances in Elvish. The audience "awwwed," but I sighed. It was going to take him at least five minutes to say, "It's okay."

Cambridge added his reassurances. "It was not entirely her idea. I had already learned something of the bull at the welcome dinner."

"Brunhilde!" Gozon yelled. I gave him a flash of fangs and he closed his mouth fast. He could spend an hour chewing her out later if he wanted. We were on my time.

Brunhilde nodded. "The champagne went to my head. I said I'd give him the bull and he could negotiate for his exhibit, and he introduced me to the pleasures of--"

"Brunhilde!" This from my partner, Sister Grace. The audience leaned forward.

Cambridge laughed his asthmatic chuckle. "Cleanliness, my dear nun. Tips on how to make her 'sweaty rowdy men' more hygienically palatable."

"Ja! He gives a good pedicure, see?" She stretched out one shapely leg so everyone could see her toes. Galinda swatted her husband.

"But the two of you weren't exactly quiet in your dealings--at least not where inhuman ears are concerned." I looked at Coyote.

He set down the half-empty pitcher and leaned forward eagerly, "Oooo! Is it my turn now? Do I get to tell my joke, please? Can I? Can I? So I found out from Brunhilde when she made the trade--wanna know how?" He jumped up off the table to face his audience.

"No!" Grace said. "Sit!"

He settled onto the table without hesitation, but he was bouncing with excitement.

"Just tell us where it is."

"In Cambridge's briefcase. But I won't tell you where that is! You have to find it. Won't that be fun? It should be easy for you, Vern. It's 'marked.'"

"You peed on the bull?" Grace's beautiful voice rose to a screech.

"No!" Coyote actually looked hurt. "I mean, not really. Just the briefcase."

"What?" Cambridge started to raise his cane.

"Relax!" I told them both. "We have the briefcase. The brownies found it and cleaned it. But the bull isn't in it."

I glared at Coyote, but he looked as surprised as Grace and Cambridge had horrified.

"So where is it?" he asked.

If you like the story, the book is even better!

More antics, more mystery, new ending. Order from Amazon. 

(c) Karina Fabian.  World Gathering first appeared in serial in The Prairie Dawg